August 11, 2009

  • Serious break from the Comic-con.

    I'll always love you. My other family. My other home. My loves. My girls.

    I sit back wondering what the fuck happened. Where did the day go? Why the fuck did shit go down the way it did last nigh? One would THINK a girl like me would've learned her lesson a long time ago. Roll with the punches.... stop beating a dead horse.... be strong, but not too strong. be us. be one. be below us.
    wake up.
    stay positive...but don't act too positive....she's too nice, she's so fake...
    neatly put on your makeup, but don't make it too perfect, she's trying too hard to look good....
    don't forget to smile, but not too much and not at her, they hate her. You've got our back like we've got your's right?
    ....enjoy the finer things in life, but don't speak of it too much don't be away for too long, look what the cat dragged in. Ooh now she thinks she's better than us! "No, I love you girls. Sorry I can't be there all the time. I'll see you next week, maybe. I'm not sure. I'll TRY, but I've missed you dearly. If you EVER need me just text."

    Walking on eggshells. No one wants to see you happy. No one wants to believe you're doing well. They don't want to suffer alone in the mess we created together.
    Why extend my hand to someone who will just smack it away? I'll never learn. I must remember to just try to be there for my friends when they want me to be there for them, not when I think they need me.

    I think when you throw a bunch of fierce personalities together, it's best to stay quiet.
    Listen. Swallow all the pain and hurt. Stay alert.
    Be a shoulder to cry on and if you can, cry with us, but not too much nobody likes a baby.
    Oh and have a couple of shots handy or better yet DRUGS so we can burn away our sorrows together.

    Misery loves company. Learn your place. Don't try to act like you're doing better than you were last week. They love you when you are broken, and they feel abandoned when you shine.

    Don't attempt to help us you'll fail. You're an asshole for thinking you were good enough to help.

    So you're sober? Been there, done that, you'll be back. Why are you never around? We missed you, but now that you're back you're showing too much compassion. You're too sensitive. We're sick of you. We are sick of seeing who we are when we are around you. We are who you were, but now you think you're better than us for some reason. "No I love you girls. Just hang in there. Don't lose hope. Let me help you. Do you need anything? Just ask. I want you to succeed you are better than you think."

    You're eyes are too bright, you're seeing too much. It hurts us to know that you are seeing us still raw, now that you've been polished. Come here. Let us dirty you up. Remember the good old days? Remember how we laughed? How we cried? Drink this, you'll feel better. I do feel better. Laugh with us. Hate her with us. Hate yourself with us. Wait, drink a little more, it'll get better.

    Ride with us...die with us.... smile, things feel better, don't they? Life feels better?

    I guess. Cry it out, babe. You really needed to cry. Just hold on to me and cry. Don't let me go.

    Wait why so serious? I love this song, now dance! Laugh! Throw caution to the wind! This is fun isn't it? Smile, babe. If you don't smile we'll crash. We need love to keep this car running. I love this song. Sing with us! Drink more! Laugh! Drink! Kick your legs up! Stick your head out of the sun roof! Oh now we're having fun! Just like the good old days. Here, have some more...

    Wait did you just spill fucking vodka on my console? You inconsiderate bitch how could you spill vodka on my console. "Sorry I didn't realize..."

    Why aren't you laughing? Smile with us! Cry with us! Die with us! I'll teach you for abandoning me. I'll teach you for coming back and trying to help. I'll teach you! You'll never learn. We don't want your help we want your hurt. We need your pain! Show us you're real!

    These streets. Where are we? Long Beach? How did she know? A swell of memories flood my mind. Silence. Gas. Cigarettes. Push shove. push. shove.
    "I'm real! I'm alive! I love you this is the best! I've needed this! I need you! We are wild... we are ANIMALS... we are FREE!" Have we broken you, yet? You weren't meant to be fixed. You're one of us, and don't you forget it!
    Now slump you're head down and give up.
    "NO!"
    Give in you love us!
    "Ok."
    Give up, you hate us!
    "NO!"
    Give the fuck up! You hate us!
    " NO!" Just sit back and close your eyes. It's getting late and you tried, they know you tried. They know you were never repaired. Just covered.

    Be serious I'm tired of this! Dude, she's fucked. Pay attention. Secretly.... Is she knocked out?
    "Where are we? What happened." Don't worry, babe we'll take care of you. Your rides on it's way.
    Act out of it. Act goofy. Act groggy. Wait that's not an act. You can barely open your eyes from crying so hard. "Sorry guys I was totally trippin'. I was so confused." Don't worry we've got your back.
    "Sorry girls I love you. Thank you for looking after me. " Don't worry you know we got your back. There's your ride. See you soon? "I'll see you next week, maybe. I'm not sure. I'll TRY. But I'll miss you dearly. If you EVER need me just text."

    Us and them. Why do you want to suffer with me? Why don't you want to shine with me? I'll hold on as long as I can.... but if I let go too soon, and you need me, you know my number.

    Next...WTH is up with that crazy comic con video on youtube. My boobs FTW?... something I want to address as soon as I can get my head straight. My brain and body are beat up. I'm covered in bruises. Half alive, but alive none-the-less.